Friction | Unity.
Aug 11, 2019
I’ve had several conversations the last month that keep me coming back to the idea of friction. Every few days, another story comes up of partners, either in life or in business, who aren’t on the same page. Whose differences have driven them apart rather than brought them together. Sure, they’re together in name or title, but there’s no unity in their approach. One wants one thing, and their partner wants another.
And this chasm of difference has the potential to end businesses, dampen marriages, and drive a wedge between otherwise successful teams.
Different ideas are great. We are better BECAUSE we bring different thoughts to the table when it comes to management, finance, team, future endeavours, staffing, location, and the next action - these things sharpen our perspective and cause us to examine otherwise unconsidered points of view.
It’s not only normal, but also desirable to have a partnership where different ideas are discussed and challenged. And after examination, and rigorous discussion, come to an agreement. Creative fiction is a normal part of healthy and creative teams, especially those with strong and unique individuals.
But when one party would rather break than bend, problems arise. When a person refuses to give ground to others or ultimately wants something that doesn’t fit with the wider strategy, a schism can quickly form and create unstable ground that isn't safe to travel on, let alone build on.
Nothing destroys creative confidence faster than disunity.
If it has to be your way at our expense, it will never be the right way. In creative work and life, unity is critically important to healthy growth.
If two are better than one and a cord of three strands not easily broken, it’s not worth imagining when one of those starts to adjust course. Even a change of just a degree or two will ultimately lead to a separation of purpose that is hard to reconcile over time the longer it’s left unaddressed.
One partner wants to take on further outside investment, the other doesn’t. One board member thinks the company needs to diversify, the other doesn’t. A church’s worship pastor wants to update the style of services - the senior pastor isn’t so sure. One spouse wants to upgrade to a newer home, the other doesn’t.
There is nothing wrong with friction, as it has creative power … but it cannot come at the cost of unity.
Unity isn’t an optional extra, it is the foundation stone of success.
At the core of any relationship, is a shared understanding of where we are, and where we are going next. This North Star of direction and purpose, this commitment to unity, is to be guarded and protected at all costs. However, it doesn’t always mean confluence of opinion.
You can be completely unified while still seeing different ways forward… what’s important is that you want the same end result.
Friction should not be feared but embraced - it has creative power within an environment characterized by unity.
The ROAD can differ so long as the DESTINATION is the same.
When my wife and I are heading to a new place, we rely on a navigation app like Waze or maps etc. The interesting part is this. They will provide us with multiple routes to the same place. Both routes are fine, as they will each get us to our intended location. The question isn’t really about where we’re going (that’s already settled), but rather 'how are we getting there.’
We are unified on where we’re going, but flexible on how we get there.
For you, it’s almost certain that different people bring different strengths to the table. This should be considered, welcomed, and exercised in any decision making processes you work out ‘OK, we know where we’re going … but how do we want to get there?’
This is discussed in much greater detail in other posts, but for today here is a crash course on building unity:
I Establish where you are trying to go and why. It’s mission-critical to be clear on the end goal. Be clear and upfront about where you’re heading and why. If you can establish this - everything else becomes easier. If you cannot achieve this first step, you will find your best efforts stymied and splintered by a lack of driving purpose. You should be able to distill what you want down to one or two sentences. If not, go back and try again.
II Don’t lose sight of the goal. Keep it in front of you. Be intentional and deliberate about where you want to end up. Let it be on your mind, on your lips, and plainly visible to every part of the team (even if it’s just you and your partner).
III Be flexible with the how. Often people lose sight of the shared goal share and become fixated on a single step. But if you know you both want the same thing - well, no individual issue is should be such a big deal, should it? And if it is, perhaps it’s you who’s lost sight of what’s important. Do not let getting your way become more important than making a way.
Do not sell out the ultimate goal to get a dopamine hit from a short term victory
IV Give others a voice. Let people contribute and be willing to adapt within your own self. After all, ownership from others towards a shared goal will dramatically increase your chances of success.
How about you? What are some ways you've found to embrace friction while developing unity that have worked? Does it matter?
Photo for this piece by Keith Misner on Unsplash
